home world

Moments like this really proves to me the vulnerability of being single.

It's morning and I'm going back to my apartment after spending the night somewhere else, I'm nearly there, I need to change my top, pick up some prints and head for the printshop which's very close to here, It's already a little later then I wants it to be and I'm thinking, I'll just grab the stuff and leave.

I'm thinking about many things, but I am aware of where I am and how I walk and it wasn't my fault at all.

I cross Levinshki street, then a pick up truck who's driving not very fast just doesn't see me, he just go on at the same pace of driving, I keep waiting for him to stop but he doesn't, the car hits me pretty forcefully, I call down on the harsh asphalt, the palms of my hands scratch as I try to block the fall.

The pain isn't that bad but everyone's watching me. People ask me if I'm OK, on of them yells at the truck driver, I mumble that I'm fine and the driver stops and get out of his car to check on me, I run the rest of the way home, up the stairs I'm already begging to sob, childish sort of crying, snotty teary full of self pity and a sensation of being utterly lost.

I realize that though I have friends, at this minute they are all asleep or busy now. That we all have our own life and that the people who will know first about this are the people from the office, that that surrounding is the only thing that I have now that slightly resembles a family. That between loosing my spouse and loosing my family, or at least loosing any parental respect and trust I had to my father and mother, I'm utterly alone in this universe.

I have no one to save me right now, if I got hurt worst then that, no one to call to to ask them to go to my apartment and get a pyjamas for me cause I'm in the hospital, that if I died, right there and then it'll take several days for anyone past the office to notice I'm gone.

And I can't stop crying.