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He's got 20 meters of new rope, Thicker and rougher then the one I usually uses, It's supposed to make less mark and have a more intense visual effect. It's not starting out as a bondage scene, just a practice. Since we sort of became "just friends" and then went back to fucking, it sort all switched from fuck toys to friends with benefits, and somehow a bit of the intensity of the sexual connection disappeared, leaving room for something else.

Well, not disappeared exactly, I'm trying to get used to the presence of this person in my life, I'm trying to make the word "friend" a proper description to what he is for me, When I talk about him, I'm trying to say - ya, I'm meeting a friend now, but it's still not easy for me. I'm still full of doubts and fears. I keep being afraid people will just disappear.

But we are there, back in my apartment after a walk to Jaffa and the beach. And he takes out the rope, I’m naked, the moment it touches my skin I'm starting to be effected by it, not even in a sexual way at first, first I notice the chance in posture, sitting up straighter lowering my head. I put the collar around my neck and sit for him to tie forearms behind my back. I still on a stool and he's going around me, coiling the rope around my body, right below and right under my breasts then pas the rope behind my arm pits and tie it in the back.

This is heavy, the rope's thick, it's a very different experience then my rope, which is stingy and smooth, it feels like wearing a heavy denim in compare to wearing cotton. I'm focused, not as much as I can be, but I'm very into it. He tells me to stand and tie my ankles and my thighs, I'm almost emobilized, I can't stop breathing fast, panting, he lifts me and takes me to the bed, I suck his cock, trying to deep throat him again, but not doing as well as he want me to. He turns me around, face down and spank me a bit way too gently, I keep wanting to yell "more". At that moment I was so into pain, I wanted it to hurt, I wanted to be choked or smacked or be bitten very hard, not in an erotic pleasant kind of way. I was starting to go into the more spiritual side of it all.

That dark calm place, like being under water, that bondage sometimes gets me into. A place where the borders between different sensations and the meaning of things melt together. And all things become hazy and obscure, in a very clear way. I'm sucking him again, his cock in my mouth feels so good, he pushes farther and farther in, I might be gagging I'm not sure. The rhythmic pace as he grab the leash and direct my head as he mouthfuck me.

Nothing else exist. He pushes deep into my mouth and I feel choked, I can't breath, I have to remind myself of the possibility to breath through my nose and even that take several seconds to follow. Out of air makes me lightheaded and pushes me farther into it all.

He place my knees on the floor, my face on the bed, I'm bended over and he's pushing his cock into me, the orgasms aren't so clear, it's like experiencing the underwater version of Cummings, it's hitting me just a couple of seconds after he penetrates me. And slowly, it grows more and more intense, like waves pushing me a shore. I don't even care so much about cuming now, but I am. I can't bring myself to talk, I become unverbal, every word is hard to renounce since my mind just seem to shut coherent thinking in favor of emotional and physical intensity. Floating, I'm floating in a warm dark sea of muffles sounds sensations.

He pull the leash as he fucks me, and that hot grasp at my neck, it's not suffocating me, but make it a little more challenging to breath which just makes me explode again. I feel very wet.

He stops cause he say I'm bleeding, Looking at his cock I do see some darker discharge, I don't know why this happens, it's not that I’m hurt or anything, I think it's something emotional, my body still trying to work his way around some feeling, and idea, purging himself from old baggage trying to find rooms for other emotions, other stories, other personalities. Is this bondage float feeling is what it's looking to place in me? It's too soon to tell and I'm too scared to find out.

Being untied is difficult, it feels unnatural somehow, every time the rope loosen I feel lost, confused, it felt so proper, so right. I could have stayed like that all night, tied, on my knees with my head pressed against the bed.

I'm going to see him again tomorrow, he untie everything but leave the collar on, I promise not to take it off until then.